oh asstrofiend, what is a girl to do with you?

so, i’ve been writing my asstrofiend… i really do think that every girl needs an asstrofiend in their lives…

i had a really bad, overly emotional day monday. i’m not saying that is a good reason to talk up my depression in my blog, but this is how i try and work things out (thanks to gigglechick for the words of encouragement). the day only got worse, depression-wise, and by the evening, even the rocker knew how sad i really was. poor rocker, this was his first experience with me being anything but happy (or cranky).

anyway, my asstrofiend is trying to help me understand that i really am strong enough to be in/have a relationship. i just wish that i could learn how to let go, and stop worrying about things that haven’t happened, and more than likely never will.

but the asstrofiend made one very interesting point: “Do consider your need to be bareboned about everything for everyone. Just consider…” and i do consider it. i really do. i wonder what life would be like without this little cgi script that allows me to vent… i wonder what it would be like for my mom not to know my mood based upon my blog.

in this light, when we first started dating, i asked the rocker not to read this. honestly, he only does when i ask him to. i love the fact that this man respects me enough not to read this. when he does read (when i’ve been talking about it), he only reads the entry i’ve discussed. as for the other people who choose to read, whom i talk about (my sister), some things just need to be said. they have needed to be said for years. so, i say them. if she chooses to read rather than talk, that is her issue, not mine.

i have no intention of stopping my writing, and i have no desire to make this something that it is not. it is not a place where people can see that happy gwen face whenever they want. i’m not that person, and therefore this place is just like me… happy, sad, mad, obnoxious, and more importantly, it is full of my personal memories. i’m happy that i do it, and i will continue to do it until there isn’t a reason to.

maybe my asstrofiend needs to have a blog. maybe then he could work off some of his self-pity, guilt, pain and anger. just a thought. you don’t have to have a public blog… but you might find solace in knowing that others (that you don’t even know) feel just like you do, and aren’t afraid to talk to you about it. it’s amazing all the open hearts that are out there.