so my boss is reviewing the committees recomendations for who to hire as we speak. my heart is racing, and i feel like i’m going to cry. this is one of the hardest experiences i have ever had. i don’t understand why the process works this way, and i don’t understand why they just don’t tell me if they want me or not.
i’m thinking that they don’t want me. that they had this awesome candidate that they think would be a much better fit than i could be. it is so scary. i’ve decided that if i don’t get picked, i’m leaving california. i’m going to move to washington dc and try to find a job there. i’m tired of not feeling wanted. i’m tired of people treating me differently. maybe i just never came out of my cube before, but i think i must have.
i don’t know what to do. i don’t know who to talk to. mom has already got a job for me if this doesn’t work out. i’m immediately getting on an airplane and flying to washington. at least there i will have the opportunity to work a bit, and i love washington, so that will be good.
i wish that i wasn’t prone to panic attacks. and i have been taking my zoloft, so i know that isn’t the problem. i just wish the stress level would go down just a bit.
Look who’s talking…