nigerian scams now have an answer!

pioneer press It’s a bit long but worth it. You’ll want to copy and paste this as your reply to the next scam offers you receive:

Dear Mr. whoever…

1) Since you are the one making the proposal, and I am the one who has been approached by you, and my cooperation is only as an accommodation to your request (to result in my 30% share of the amount to be transferred into an account prepared for you), this means that

2) I will in no way, and under no circumstances, forward or transfer any funds or fees necessary to expedite this transaction. All taxes, fees, commissions, pay-backs, bribes, stipends, revenue amounts, or any other legal or quasi-legal monies necessary for all aspects of the proposal, must be 100% expedited on your side and by your people, these funds being appropriated from the said 10% of the proposed amount, and

3) If your own people do not have the ability to finance the above fees and tender prior to the release of the proposed total amount to be transferred, then I cannot accommodate your proposal, and that

4) At no time will I (or any agent I might appoint) travel outside of

my country to Nigeria, or any designated 3rd country, for any reason, in association with this proposal, and

5) At no time will I (or any agent I might appoint) sign or co-sign any documents or papers granting powers of attorney in the execution of visas or travel papers to my country, this being the sole responsibility of those making this request and proposal.

6) Confidentiality will be maintained in all aspects of the transaction, however, it is to be understood that international transfers of the amount you describe are, while not illegal, are observed by the security and exchange commissions of many countries, and this will automatically insure that many, many other stations and links will record this transfer. Those agencies will probably include the American CIA, Interpol, Anti-Terrorist Government Watch-Dog Groups, and the Revenue Agencies of my state the United States government.

7 ) My country’s banks are secure, and the society is safe. You can come and claim your money at anytime, at your own risk, under your own travel arrangements.

8) Once you have initiated transfer of the funds, I am not responsible for the loss or disappearance of any or all of the funds that might happen due to unscrupulous interim banks between your country and mine. It is suggested that you deal with a bank that has direct wire transfer capabilities to my city.

9) Your removal of your funds from your account in my country, while legal, will be subject to the laws of my country as respects fees, taxes, and further notification of all participating tax offices of the countries involved, and these fees and restrictions (if any) will apply to your share, with nothing being taken from my share for these [possible] expenses.

If the above 9 points are acceptable to you as a point of rule, in order for me to accommodate your request as you have proposed, please let me know.

If you wish to proceed, I will require an advance on the 30% share, of 10% of that amount, or $645,000.00 (United States Dollars), as an indication that you are serious, and that your proposal does not constitute a scam. This advance (or retainer) for my services is non-negotiable, and non-refundable, even if your proposal fails in the transfer of further funds. Once that has been deposited to an account of my designation, I will establish a secure account for the receipt of your proposed funds, and all particulars for the successful completion will be furnished to you.

Thank you for the trust you have placed in me, without prior investigation of my abilities to provide this service to you.

I have many other satisfied customers (who will remain confidential), and expect we will both profit from this deal, too.

Yours Sincerely,

Your name