scared and alone

at 5 o’clock this morning, i woke up and gave my mother a shower. it was very strange. i washed her back with this medicated sponge. it’s weird how at some point in time in your relationship with your parents, your role changes from child to parent. i’m almost to that point.

mom got ready to go, while i took care of daisy. i barely had time to brush my teeth and put some jeans on. i think i remembered to brush my hair. i didn’t really care. she was nervous. i just wanted to figure out how to calm her down.

the ride to el camino hospital was a quiet one. we didn’t talk at all. it was strange. mom and i always talk. we always have something to say to each other. we walked into admitting at 6:00 am, right on the nose. mom bought a mercury news in the lobby… we took turns reading while we waited for the doctor. mom was so cold. that’s what happens when she is scared. she gets really cold.

finally, about 7:00 am, they tried to insert the iv needle. what a disaster. mom’s veins collapsed. they apparently didn’t want to be poked. for a good 10 minutes they played around with that vein. i felt so bad for her. i couldn’t watch, but i could see the tear roll down her face.

i read a little of my book, why girls are weird. i started to laugh. i then read the first 2 pages aloud to my mom. she laughed and laughed. we had a long discussion about barbies and how i played with them. no, my barbies weren’t sex experiments. and yes, she would have taken them away if that is what they were becoming.

at 7:30, the anaestiaologist came to talk to mom. mom didn’t want to hear it. always knowing more than others, she told him not to over do it. he didn’t want to listen. i could never see the two of them being friends. he blamed all the associated aliments on other things. mom basically told him that he was full of shit.

at 7:45, her doctor finally got there. they asked her all the questions, went over the surgury and then the orderly unlocked the wheels of the gurney to take her away. she looked so scared and alone. i wished that i could have held her hand the whole time. really, i just wanted to take her home. the orderly asked me if i wanted to kiss and hug her good-bye. i said, “no, i want to lick her”. she laughed behind her tears. i gave her a hug and a kiss, and they took her away. at this time i’m going to rant at my sister. i had this all planned so that one of us would be at the hospital through out the whole procedure. last night, i was informed that she wouldn’t be available until 2. with me on the am shift, that meant i wouldn’t be to work until 3, and i was planning on leaving early.

needless to say, i’m at work. needless to say i’m pissed off. she has now decided that she will be there as we originally planned… at 12 instead of 2. she says that she is tired of being the bastard child that is never there. well, if the shoe fits mar, put it on!

so, i’m leaving at 11:30, i’ll be back by the time the doctor comes out to tell me how things are going. mar will be there too. it really should have been this way all along. i’m mad that she f’ed up my day, but i’m not having to take a sick day, and i get to be there all but 3.5 hours.

i guess it all worked out, didn’t it.