Yesterday I went and had lunch with my sister and mom.  We went to this place called “The Counter” in Santana Row.  It was all right, the sweet potato fries were good.  I wished that I had the milk shake, but I was trying to be good.  Ha, what is the point at this point?  I mean really I’m up 28 lbs, I don’t think that a milk shake would have made things that much different.  Besides, I’ve decided until this thing gets out of me, I … [Read more...]

I've been wondering why I've been so teary as of late. I thought it was just the stress of 16 hour midterms, papers, you know, adding grad school to my life. It's not that is all that difficult right now. I just have this need to be the perfect student, so I bring stress on myself when I really don't need to. Then, I thought maybe it was the fact that after more than 2 months, I still don't have my dresser in my bedroom. I still have wardrobe boxes stacked in my living room. The two front … [Read more...]

Did you know that when you get stomach flu you can't eat? You don't really even want to eat. It's quite interesting. I've not eaten much but soup, crackers and mini bagels since Saturday. I'm guessing I've had all of 1500 calories since then. It's only that much because i'm drinking sport drinks that have calories associated with them. On Monday, I had my annual. My doctor said, "Are you sure you want to do this?" My reply was, "Do you know how long it takes to get into see you?" I had … [Read more...]

my diet has been in full force for the past week. i'm pretty sure i'm down 2.5 lbs. i've been journaling to beat the band, i've been walking at lunch and with daisy at night, and i've been trying to drink all my water! this morning i was over at put down the donut reading joelle's post on the bahama mama challenge. i think 50 lbs by january 15th may be a bit hard for me, but i'm going to try her challenge! now, at one point i lost 35 lbs on weight watchers. i gained 15 back, but i'm still … [Read more...]

i went to the sabercats game alone again yesterday. actually, it wasn't that bad. i went late, but still got the free gift, a cow bell. the noise level in the arena was 210 decibles. it was so loud. during the third period, i went to get a break from the noise. i decided to go get a sundae (one of the benefits of having arena club seats). i'm sitting there, minding my own business watching the game on tv. when this guy starts a conversation with me. lets just say this. guys don't … [Read more...]

this morning i've been working on a new skin... trying to make some text "stay put" while others move on a fixed background. so, i went roaming around to see if i could find someone who is already doing that, so i could "borrow" the css. in my travels, i found this: making friends as you age. wow. i've been trying to increase my friend base. i really have been. i'm not very good at it. i went to four different high schools, 3 different colleges, and i've changed jobs several times since … [Read more...]

i've been working on boring things today... it's been helpful. i'm not swimming in self pity anymore. actually, i've been watching the guys build my new cube across the quad. my walls are really tall... i've requested a door. lets see if it shows. … [Read more...]

i really wasn't looking forward to the weekend on friday. thus the custard puff for breakfast. i thought, i'll start friday by eating something yummy, and maybe the yumminess would just follow through to the weekend. well. ok. it was a thought. friday night was boring. it has been for years, why stop now. saturday, missey andrea and i took daisy, olive and baby tabitha to the dog park. daisy, was well behaved (for a change). she didn't try to mount anyone. that was good. olive on the … [Read more...]

ok. i had a shitty weekend. SHITTY. i really want to write about it but, i've already cried more than 5 hours this weekend. i really don't want to cry any more. the only good thing was that the sabercats won last night. that's it. that's all. i'll write the cold, hard facts of the SHITTY weekend later. god, my friends are just down right mean some times. … [Read more...]

{angry rant} tonight was therapy. gotta love therapy. today we talked more about how the rocker isn't right for me, how inmature he is, and how i made the best decision that i could have made. yes, i know all these things. NO, I DON'T CARE. i miss the rocker, god damn it. he used me, played passive-agressive games with me, and made me feel like shit most of the time, but I MISS HIM. and yes, i know, i made the right decision. that doesn't mean i'm happy about it. {/angry rant} … [Read more...]