getting a back bone.

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the rocker has been in pain for months. actually, i think he has been in pain more than 1/2 of our relationship, i’m thinking it may even be more than that. in the begining, he didn’t make a big deal about it. i think he was just hoping that it would go away.

finally, last month, i made an appointment for the rocker to visit my doctor. he went in, and was told he needed x-rays. he wasn’t very serious about getting the x-rays, and then the first technician did them wrong. the 26th he had another set of x-rays taken. he was told he would know the results of the x-rays on the second. not only has he not recieved a phone call from the doctor, he has not called to get the results.

i am so tired of hearing how much this man hurts when he seems so unwilling to help himself. now, it seems that he has had an adverse reaction to the naproxen that he was taking and has to have blood work. hmph. we still don’t know what is going on with his back. will he actually go in an have bloodwork done? the jury is still out on that one.

i’m beginning to think that the rocker likes having an excuse not to do things, ie., “i’m in pain 24/7, therefore i can’t do xyz”. he seems to be scared of the doctor. he seems to be scared of what the results might be. instead of facing things, he is hiding from them. i am so frustrated.

he says he has moved in, yet he is not “comfortable” enough to sleep in the bed with me. i’ve done everything i can think of to try and make him understand that i will even PURCHASE a new bed of his choice if it will help him sleep at the house. i was told last night that i am pressuring him. WAIT! wasn’t it him to took me to the stupid sleep number store to look at beds? didn’t i even get approved to purchase said bed that night?

if he doesn’t want to buy a bed, that is fine. but i don’t think we should be pretending to live together if he can’t even sleep in the bed with me. you know, as much as i want this to work, i think he only wants it to work if he doesn’t have to work at it. god. don’t i wish life worked that way. but it doesn’t. relationships are work. hard work. and i don’t see that he wants to put in the effort… he can’t even figure out how to put effort into himself.

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  1. I think you should get over it. I’ve read in your blog that you haven’t put effort into yourself, as well. It seems like you are always focusing on the negative. Maybe you’d be less frustrated with life and relationships if you focused on the positive. You have a man that loves you and spends a lot of time with you. Sleeping apart for periods of time is inevitable. If you can’t realize that, you’re being unrealistic.

  2. I think he should definitely get his back sorted out as soon as possible. And I think men not putting as much effort into relationships as women is a common problem… Or maybe he is putting in effort, only not in ways that you expect. My fiance takes the rubbish out now without me having to ask him to do it, even though he hates doing it. But he does it for us.

  3. well zg, that is an interesting comment.

    i think that you are wrong on a couple of things.  one, i do put effort into myself.  if you were an active reader, you would know that when i am sick i go to the doctor.  i spent 2 hours in urgent care saturday ensuring that i don’t have strep throat.  in july, i went an had a test to make sure i didn’t have cervical cancer.  in that case, i just had a polop.

    you might also have read that i had started couples therapy.  that has turned into appointments for me to work out how to deal with the people in my life who don’t like the decisions i make.

    granted, i eat the wrong foods and maybe don’t exercise enough, but when it counts, i do take care of myself.

    i am a bit negative in my blog.  i admit it.  normally i think of this as my diary where i write about what is bothering me.  i find it very therapeutic.  it helps me to be more positive in life.

    granted, my man loves me, and he spends time with me.  but, as with the “new boy”, i am frustrated that we rarely leave the house.  i suggest that we do things, and he says he would rather stay home because of his back.

    his back has now caused him not to get into the band that he auditioned for last night.  his back is going to keep him from being able to go back to work. 

    the rocker doesn’t sleep with me because the bed is too soft.  i want to fix that problem, and i’m concerned about the fact that he doesn’t want to fix it too.

    i am not as much concerned about the effort the rocker puts into our relationship as i am concerned about the fact that the lack of concern about his own physical health is drastically effecting our relationship, his relationships with others, and his ability to hold down a job.

    if he is unable to deal with this problem, how is he going to be able to be a contributing member of society?  it is a problem.  being positive about the fact that he is becoming disabled due to a lack of concern for his physical well being is not realistic.  it is sad.  it is frustrating.  i am watching the man i love disable himself.  that is not positive.